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DID YOU READ

The week’s critic wrangle: “London” calling.

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+ "London": You could practically hear critics around the country cracking their knuckles and doing a few preparatory neck rolls before sitting down to eviscerate Hunter RichardsBret Easton Ellisesque directorial debut, which stars Jessica Biel, Chris "Flame On" Evans, Jason Statham and a cocaine-dusted bathroom. You know it’s bad when even Roger Ebert kicks off with snark:

At one point in "London," a Japanese experiment is described. Scientists place containers of white rice in two different rooms. One container is praised. Nice rice. Beautiful rice. The other container is insulted. Ugly rice. Bad rice. At the end of a month, the rice in the first container is fresh and fragrant. The rice in the other room is decayed and moldy. If there is any validity to this experiment, I expect "London" to start decaying any day now. Bad movie. Ugly movie.

Ed Park at the Village Voice finds main character Syd’s (Evans) "emotional tailspin is embarrassingly banal, and his assertion that ‘everybody here hates me’ quickly applies to the audience as well." Laura Kern at the New York Times is not the only one to call out the film’s misogyny, and Michael Koresky at indieWIRE/Reverse Shot penned the angriest, most delicious denunciation of all, so we’ll let him have the last word:

Indeed in some cases, obnoxious kids spend too much of their parents’ money on coke and generous downtown lofts; but in other cases, they just use it to make shitty movies.

 

Otherwise, beloveds, there is nothin’ of interest on the new indie film front this weekend. Well, there’s "Heart of Gold," but honestly, despite its being directed by Jonathan Demme, it doesn’t interest us (neither do most films of a musical performance — personal bias).

However, those in LA can take themselves to see all 260 glorious minutes of Jean-Luc Godard‘s "Histoire(s) du cinéma" at the UCLA Film & Television Archive — if you need convincing, Kevin Thomas at the LA Times call it a "a work of shimmering, incandescent beauty," while in the LA Weekly, John Patterson writes rapturously that "It takes five hours to watch, but a lifetime may be needed to ponder and plumb its seemingly bottomless, but ultimately fathomable, depths. The superlative for once is fully warranted: masterpiece."

And  J. Hoberman, Andrew O’Hehir at Salon and the New York PressMatt Zoller Seitz would all tell any New York types to head to Carol Reed‘s "The Fallen Idol" at the Film Forum — we might, though we’re sorely tempted by "Point Break Live!".

+ Histoire(s) Du Cinema (LA Weekly)
+ A flickering history of love, mortality
(LA Times)
+ Idol Worship
(Village Voice)
+ "The Fallen Idol": A glorious British black-and-white, with shades of Graham Greene gray
(Salon)
+ Baby Snakes
(NY Press)

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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